and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
