you guys were way drunker than both of me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Are we still banned from the library?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
