What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
