The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
