The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Even my vagina gasped.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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