mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
