Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
