Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
