I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
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