woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
