i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
