Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
