Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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