He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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