I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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