Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
