i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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