Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
