he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
