is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
