if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
