I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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