I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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