she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
