NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
