Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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