so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
