I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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