u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
