I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this boner is exhausting
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
