found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
handjob tips. give me some.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
