she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
50% drunk capacity currently
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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