it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
