Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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