Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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