He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
