i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can you bring me the toilet please
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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