I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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