I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
