My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
