Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
