I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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