Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
