I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
