I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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