I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
