He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
