Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
