my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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