Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
